Across The Table with Dionysius

Exploring Power of Therapy with Tina Fallis

• Dionysius ( Dion ) Williams

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**Podcast Show Notes: Across the Table with Dionysius featuring Tina Fallis – Exploring Therapy and Mental Well-being**

Join host Dionysius on "Across the Table," where he engages in a captivating conversation with registered psychotherapist Tina Fallis. Based in Ottawa, Tina brings her extensive experience and insightful perspectives to this enlightening episode focused on therapy and its multifaceted impact on our lives.

**Key Learnings:**
- Therapy Beyond Diagnoses: Understand that therapy isn't just for those with a diagnosis; it's a valuable tool for anyone navigating life's struggles.
- The Therapeutic Relationship: Discover the importance of a good fit between a therapist and client for successful outcomes.
- Debunking Myths: Tina addresses common misconceptions about therapy and emphasizes its accessibility for everyone.
- Cultural Perspectives: Hear Dionysius’ personal experiences with therapy in the context of black culture and how perceptions have evolved over time.
- Couple's Therapy: Learn effective approaches to initiating and benefiting from couple’s therapy.
- Choosing the Right Therapist: Gain insights into finding the right therapist and the significance of the therapeutic alliance.
- Mental Wellness Tips: Tina provides practical advice for managing stress and maintaining mental well-being.

Don't miss this episode filled with valuable insights for anyone interested in mental health, therapy, and personal growth. Listen now to deepen your understanding and break down barriers around mental health discussions.

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Tina Fallis, with her empathetic approach and rich experience, offers a unique perspective on therapy that resonates with a diverse audience. Whether you're considering therapy for the first time or looking to deepen your understanding, this episode is a must-listen!


Tina Fallis

Registered Psychotherapist
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/therapists/tina-fallis-ottawa-on/283267
Phone - (343) 341-5340

The Tea Podcast
https://open.spotify.com/show/0Djt41cXu7Q53Ov9b5Vta5

Find Dion at the following:

DION WILLIAMS
Mortgage Agent
Website - williamsmortgage.ca
Email - dion@williamsmortgage.ca
Phone - 613-902-2313

Intro/ Outro:

Welcome to Across the Table with Dionysius, the show that brings you closer to the movers and shakers, while mortgages are his bread and butter. This show isn't just about interest rates and loans. It's all about the conversation. Grab a drink and let's pull up to the table together. Whether you're into finance, tech, art or just fascinated by incredible stories, this is where you'll find a bit of everything, and now here's your host.

Dionysius:

Welcome to Across the Table podcast with Dionysius. I'm your host, dionysius, and today we have a special guest, tina Fallis. Tina Fallis is a registered psychotherapist here in the Ottawa area. I'm excited to talk to her today about the topic of therapy. Welcome, tina, thank you. How are you doing today?

Tina:

I'm doing well. Thank you Good.

Dionysius:

Good, so tell us a little bit about yourself and where you're from.

Tina:

So my practice, my private practice, is here in Ottawa. So I came here to come to university and I ended up staying and settling in the area and so yeah, so my private practice is in the Wellington West area.

Dionysius:

Yeah, okay. For me, as a mortgage broker growing up, this wasn't something I wanted to be right, it's something I fell into In terms of what you do, how'd you get into therapy and do you have a specific focus or an area that you focus in on?

Tina:

So for me personally, my philosophy has always been that people that need to find me and also the other reason I say that is because sometimes I find people call me up and say you know, I'm coming to you for X, for example, coming to you to deal with anxiety, and then once you kind of get in a few sessions and you realize actually there's trauma there or there's, you know, there's other issues that are there. So I do not focus on one particular area. In terms of how I got into this profession, it's been a bit of a. It hasn't been a linear journey, that's for sure. I've been back to school a number of times, but what I kept realizing was that I wasn't really feeling the connection to my work and for me, my work. I wanted it to have meaning and purpose for me, and also for me, I wanted to do something that contributed to the greater collective, to the greater good of society, and so for me this was a natural fit.

Dionysius:

Okay, now you said yeah, you take on everybody. Does that mean you take on kids, adults? Full gambit here.

Tina:

Mm-hmm. Yeah, so I see I have a small number of youth clients, sort of 10 plus, and then adults, couples, families, okay.

Dionysius:

Yeah, okay, in terms of myself and my experience with therapy. I've been to numerous therapists. I currently have a therapist now that I'm doing well with. I know. For me in the black culture growing up, it was very taboo, like you had problems, you didn't talk to other people, you just dealt with it, right.

Dionysius:

Mm-hmm it wasn't, you know. For example, now you know I'll tell my friend hey, we can't hang out, I'm going to see my therapist. They're like, oh cool, you know, is everything okay? Yeah, yeah, everything's good. Where, if I did that, even, let's say, 10, 15 years ago, I may get ridiculed, mocked. So my experience with therapy, as I tell, with all my close friends and family, I think everyone should have a therapist. I think you should have an outlet for somebody who doesn't know you and can give you objective criticism and understanding. Right, and it's coming from a pace of not knowing you but caring. With that being said, can you share something about therapy that you may want people to know or dispel? You know a cultural misconception.

Tina:

So I really like the point you made at the top of it when you started speaking about it, which is everyone could use one and needs one, because the reality, dion, is that nobody gets through life unscathed. We all face struggle, and I always say it's on a continuum right. So whether you're on this end and you've had this much struggle, or whether you're on the other extreme and had a lot of struggle, right, we all struggle. So it's a very valuable exercise, a very valuable experience to connect with a therapist, because and one of the common myths to answer your other question is is that therapy isn't just or only for people who have a diagnosis, so you don't need to have a diagnosis to go, and that is a common myth in therapy, when people think you know, oh well, if I don't have anxiety or I don't have depression or I don't have, you know, some personality disorder, I can't go or I shouldn't be going, and that's wrong. Right, because therapy is also, just, like you said, right To you know, when you're navigating difficult things and stressful times, it's this outlet, it's this unbiased person who can support you and help give you strategies and help guide you through, you know, on how to kind of navigate those difficult times.

Tina:

So it could be relational challenges. You know, I see couples, so couples who are navigating relational challenges, couples who are navigating sexual challenges right, or for an individual, someone who's same thing could be. Sexual challenges could be grief, could be work, stress could be right. So these are all things. There isn't a diagnosis in the DSM, but they're real life challenges. Sorry, what's a DSM? That's a diagnostic manual, for it has all the. You know all the diagnoses, all the things in there in terms of and explains them, and you know sort of how many criteria you have to meet to be diagnosed, for example, such as with general anxiety disorder. You know you have to meet so many of the symptoms.

Dionysius:

Okay, okay, gotcha, you touched on relationships there, so let's just throw out a hypothetical situation. So let's say I'm in a relationship and my partner and I with my partner and I, and I believe that my partner and I would benefit from therapy. Could you provide some suggestions or ways in which I could approach my partner on how to start? You know, couples therapy.

Tina:

Great question. So a big thing for me in therapy, whether I'm working with individuals or couples or families, a big word is the C word for me is curiosity. So if you approach that discussion together with your partner from a place of curiosity, right, so what is what's going on in the relationship? Like, what do we want to address? Right, and sort of, and also approach from a place of we're not going to therapy to like, fix something that's broken, necessarily, or we're not necessarily headed for divorce, because I think sometimes that's the alarm bells go off when a partner says hey, and that's where we get defensive, right, and it's like, oh, we want to go to therapy, oh, my gosh, you want to divorce. It's like no, no, no, no, no, whoa, whoa. It's approaching from a place of curiosity and discussing what are the objectives, right, and helping to understand. Like this is a way in which we can evolve together and grow together, right, and further understanding. So it's about staying together, right, it's about evolving in our couple ship. It's about how do we, you know, look at some of the opportunities that we have for growth within the relationship?

Tina:

It could be around communication. It could be around our needs being met as individuals. It could be sexual functioning right. It could be. You know, sometimes there's an ebb and flow in terms of intimacy, sexual intimacy in a partnership, depending on, you know, children and job and all that sort of thing. I think one of the big things I see with that specifically is that and it could be either partner right when the either partner is rejects the advance for sexual intimacy. It's what is the messaging that's being internalized around? That right Like what? Am I understanding that to be right? Am I internalizing that as you're not interested, you don't have desire for me, Do I take it personally right? So addressing that? So that would be something that we would address in couples therapy.

Dionysius:

Okay, that's some good points For me. As I mentioned, I've been through multiple therapists Someone's starting out. How do they know if they have the right or the wrong therapist?

Tina:

Mm-hmm mm-hmm, great question. So I always say when I get actually I had a new client intake yesterday and I always always say this because it's so important the therapeutic relationship is like any other, it's a relationship. So, while it's boundaries right, obviously it's boundaries it's ethical, it's professional, it's still a relationship and so it has to be the right fit. And so, roughly around 39% or so they've done studies on this 39%. So if the therapeutic we call it the therapeutic alliance and therapy speak, so that's the relationship between client and therapist, and 39% of the success of therapy is contributed to from that alliance. So that's your. For example, if you did not have a favorable relationship with your therapist, that would negatively impact your treatment outcome. So so important, right.

Tina:

And so if we look at why well, we take it back to it's about relationship, right, it's sort of that question of do when I see you, do I feel heard? You know, when I'm talking to you, do I feel seen? You know, do I feel respected? Do I feel when I'm, when I'm talking to you, because people come and I always say this, I feel so privileged and humbled when I sit in the chair that I sit in because people are sharing with me their most sometimes raw experiences, and sometimes these people have never shared with anyone before, right. So it's like they have to be able to trust you, right. They have to be able to feel like I can share with you and that you're not going to judge me, because some of these people coming right, they have to see me and they've had these traumatic experiences, have an like enormous amounts of shame, right. And so if I come and sit across from you and I feel more judgment, well, I'm just going to go further inside, right, I'm going to further, you know, become further insulated, so super, super important.

Tina:

And so there's so many of us out there, and so I always say, if not me, someone else. It's not personal, it just this has to work.

Dionysius:

Right. There has to be a connection and, to be honest, from my personal experience, I did. I did take a personal right when I would not want to go, but I felt compelled to go because I booked it and I had that early relationship with that therapist where it was, and then, you know, after three or four sessions it was. You know I prolonged it, I didn't want to go back.

Dionysius:

I didn't want to go back so I finally ultimately broke free. If you want to save from the relationship, because I didn't see them as often and there was nothing booked that I just moved on. So that's that's. That's interesting that you share that.

Tina:

But then I want to ask you, like, what do you think that's about for you? Right? That you maintained, right, and that's where I say this C word is like get curious, because that is something about your own dynamic, that you held on to that relationship even though it was not serving you. So that is and I'm not trying to, you know, but I'm just saying something for reflection, not for right now, but for reflection.

Tina:

no, no, no, no no, no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but a reflection for later, right, as I always say with my clients, sometimes when I, you know, ask them a question and put them on the spot, it's just about planting the seed for reflection for later. So yeah, that's what that was, it was a seed, Dion, seed in your brain. There you go.

Dionysius:

Hopefully I don't get a bill after this, but a couple of rapid fire questions here. What's one thing people can't find about you? Find out about you on Google.

Tina:

I love, love, love, love, love to laugh.

Dionysius:

Really.

Tina:

Like I love to laugh, Like I love being around people who I can jump.

Dionysius:

Is it a nervous laugh or is it just?

Tina:

No, I just, I love. I mean sure I probably nervous laugh sometimes, for sure, but genuinely. I love that experience of laughing yeah, so good.

Dionysius:

Is it one of those like cackle laughs? Is it one of those really loud laughs? Is it? Is it one of those where you know somebody walks a room and they're like, oh, tina's laughing because they know your laugh.

Tina:

or I think I have a distinctive laugh. I mean, I think sometimes it's more hurt than other times but, it really depends, but it's. It's definitely a genuine, it's a heartfelt laugh yeah.

Dionysius:

Yeah, what's one movie you think everybody should watch?

Tina:

The Paw Patrol movie.

Dionysius:

The Paw Patrol movie no Okay.

Tina:

No, no, I just kidding, it's just because I watched it last night, and what's your review of it?

Tina:

Truthfully, I didn't get to watch the full thing because it was time for bed. My little guy was sleeping in my bed last night, so I we didn't get to watch the whole thing. He had to go to bed. It was a school night. No, in all seriousness, I don't watch a lot of TV or movies. I'm more of a reader, and so one of the books I'm reading right now which I would recommend is the habit breaking, the habit of being yourself, and it's it's a great book and it's it connects to this idea that how our thoughts can manifest emotions and how we can manifest things in our life. And you know, if we're thinking about past things, how we can recreate those emotions and how that can negatively impact us. So, or we can think about future things in a negative mindset and how that can really impact our wellbeing. So yeah, so I'm more of a reader.

Dionysius:

Okay, yeah, okay, nice, get a little deep here. You're stuck on an island and you have three items you can bring, and it can't be a person or any other people. What are you bringing and why?

Tina:

I don't know.

Dionysius:

Outside of your laugh, obviously.

Tina:

Okay, yeah, I need that, I'm bringing. I'm bringing that, for sure, I'm there. I'm bringing a blanket because I don't like being cold and I find blankets are very comforting. I'd probably bring matches, and two fold really to help sterilize water so that I could drink, so I don't dive dehydration, and I'd be able to feed myself, probably by catching fish or crab or any kind of sea living things. So that would be the reason for that, and probably a pot for the same reason. Okay, I mean, if I could bring a fourth thing, I'd bring pen and paper Pen and paper.

Tina:

Yeah, yeah.

Dionysius:

Like the right.

Tina:

Yeah, yeah, because I think that is such an important thing for your brain and staying well, and I often recommend that to clients. Right is like the journaling, please, and not to be prescriptive in that you have to do it all the time or it's a forced activity. But I think people who have never done it don't realize the value in just kind of letting your thoughts flow and how that really can help you kind of work through things and kind of come to some decisions or even work out just some emotions that maybe you're not sure what's going on, and so I think, yeah, pen and paper. So I know that's like four and five, but you know, sometimes I'm a rule breaker, sometimes I mean sometimes Okay, okay.

Dionysius:

What's three pieces of advice you would give anybody to manage stress.

Tina:

Okay, so the first thing I would say is, again, the C word keeps coming up here is curious, be curious. So, and what I mean by that is take a moment and reflect and ask yourself where are my areas of stress, like what is causing me stress, and actually take note of that in a sort of a paper and pencil Like a journaling, or yeah journaling exercise, right, like sort of what are the key factors in my stress level?

Tina:

Now, a side note is the reality is that we as human beings live stress. We have good stress and we have bad stress, right, so we live stress, so there's no escaping it. However, also, the other reality is is we need to be accountable to ourselves and look at am I contributing to my stress? Like, am I doing things in my behavior that are adding more stress to my life than is really kind of normal or necessary? So first piece is to be curious, to take stock. And the second thing is to then, from that exercise is sort of understand, like, are there any things here that I can change? Right, because it's understanding. Like, what are the controlables? Right, like, what about this can I control? Okay, so I may not be able to control this stress or this stress, but what about this one? And then the third thing I would say is are you doing things that are restorative? Because, again, we can escape stress. So, what are the restorative things?

Dionysius:

that you're doing. Give me an example on what someone could use as restorative.

Tina:

Okay, are they taking solo time? Are they taking time themselves? For me, I love, love, love, love. To have a bath at night. That to me, is restorative, that's solo time. I light a candle, it's just, you know, bring down the vibrations, the cellular vibrations. I also love to play tennis. I find that is a stress reliever.

Tina:

So for some people it could be a sport, for some people it's connecting with a friend, for some people it could just be doing some sort of solitary activity. But again, there's no right or wrong answer, but it's about finding something that is restorative for you, right, that fits for you. You know, and that's the question to just the last little piece is, you know whether it's and I ask clients to sort of question themselves on this on a daily basis, sort of even moment to moment as they go through their day is to ask yourself that question is is this serving me? Like, how is this serving me? What I'm doing in this moment? Is it serving me? And if it's not, then what's happening that I am choosing this behavior, right? So, coming back to that, yeah, okay, okay.

Dionysius:

So I'm curious, I'm just going to push back here. So, as a mortgage broker, you know I deal with people's financial stress at times, right, and I'm thinking in a situation like that you know we have a couple. One is feeling the stress financially, right, what? And if two kids, you know, play sports, they're always on the go, go, go go? Where would someone find that restorative time Like where you know they do the initial assessment of? Okay, you know, we have our financial stress, we have stress here, stress over here. How does a someone find time to do that? B what if it requires some type of financial investment which they just don't have? So how does someone do something like?

Tina:

that. So right off the bat, it doesn't always require financial investment. So I think that's the question. The other thing I'm going to challenge you back and push back on you and what you just said there. I hear mindset in that.

Dionysius:

Okay.

Tina:

I hear a what's not possible mindset in that I hear and I don't want to say negative, but it's, I mean it's the little flavor there, right, because all that you did in what you said in that minute or 30 seconds was you told me what wasn't possible. So if I'm going into something and that is my mindset, because, yeah, super stress, finances, kids are in sports, up the was, you and family, and all that is so real and so true and I see lots of people in that situation and then I go, okay, and what is possible? So if you are moving through life and you are approaching things from a place of what's not possible, you're going to be stuck, you're going to be in the weeds, like you're not, you're not going to see it. So, what is possible? Or what doesn't cost? If there's a financial concern there, like what isn't a huge financial investment, you can go for a walk, you can go for a hike, you can connect with a friend for a coffee, right, but it's something that you have to be intentional about.

Tina:

Like and that's the other thing I ask people like, are you intentional about finding a restorative time? And I get that right. Like you, as a, you know if it's their young family and what. Having there's only so many hours in the week, I totally get that. I live that right, and also I think you can find an hour. And if you can't, my next question would be and how is that narrative serving you? Because you're getting something from it, because all human behavior is for a reason and even if it's potentially maladaptive, we are getting something from that, from that narrative. Right it's, otherwise we wouldn't be holding it Right. Good point, good point. A little push-track there, a little push-track, I'll go. He's doubling down.

Dionysius:

Yeah, I'm not doubling down, I'll hit it back to you.

Tina:

I see you go ahead. I see you.

Dionysius:

My question would be and you touched on this, so let's just say and I'm not gonna get in, you don't need to get in specifics, but the scenario we just spoke about, right, someone comes to you how do you change their mindset? Like, how do you begin to change that mindset? If it is that perspective of starting from a place of negativity, what would you suggest, either for your client or recommend?

Tina:

So part of that would be to sort of orientation speak, would be a cognitive behavioral therapy, so really understanding their cognitions, their thoughts, some of it. So then I'd probably get them to do some. I'd need some more data so I'd get them to do sort of thought records and things like that, where I'd get to see where are their sort of themes or threads and their thoughts. And the other thing I would need to understand and drill down is are these thoughts that they hold, are they connected to any kind of negative core beliefs? Right, because our negative core beliefs can inform our identity, which then impact our behavior and our thoughts. Say that again Okay, so when we hold negative core beliefs, they inform our identity. Right To make us believe who we are?

Dionysius:

what it is sorry.

Tina:

And that impacts our behavior and our thoughts and the way we move through the world and the lens through which I see things. Hence, if my mindset is what is not possible and et cetera, et cetera, as you said, well, guess what?

Tina:

You're gonna stay in the weeds you're staying stuck and the other thing with that and I see this in couples when they have that mindset, resentment can build in the relationship because you feel like, oh, I'm not really living in any part for myself, right, and then that kind of can cause conflict within the relationship and the reality is it's actually not about the couple ship, it's about the individual Right. So, yeah, okay, okay.

Dionysius:

Hopefully that was the last question that engages the therapy.

Tina:

Part of me.

Dionysius:

Yeah, what's the best advice you've ever received?

Tina:

Okay, I'm gonna bring it back to therapy. I'm sorry I'm gonna bring it back to clinical Just because I think it's, but actually no, so I'm gonna speak to it from that point of view, but you can also. I think this is really important for parents, who sometimes are struggling and things with their children and they're going through difficult times. So I think it's not just in therapy, I think it can be applied to other aspects of life or in other areas of life. So this is what I wanna say.

Dionysius:

So it isn't about me. You're not. This isn't a.

Tina:

No, no, no, no. Why would it be about? You Got it.

Dionysius:

Why would you say that? I feel like some of this has been like a therapeutic session.

Tina:

No, why could you say that? But one thing that I learned many, many, many months ago was this sort of essence or idea that we all have what we need within us, like the capacity is there. We have the tools or resources within us that can help us succeed and move through life in a way that we feel joy and happiness and meaning and purpose. But sometimes is we need that other person to be the person that helps us see that and helps us connect to that, because sometimes I sit across from people who don't see that for themselves right, and so, sitting across from me, excuse me, they see that, they feel that from me because I see that in them.

Tina:

So I think that's something that we can apply to parenting right, when our kids are sometimes going through difficult times and we have questions, of course, as parents and they're struggling is that they have the capacity within them, but they just need us to hold that sometimes for them and maybe help, nurture or guide them in a way that they can connect with that themselves. Because when you see and when I feel that in session, when somebody finally there's that moment of connecting to those parts of themselves where they see that and feel that I mean, that is so special. So I think, just this idea that we all have within us the capacity to thrive in life and to do well, because we all have struggles, right, we all have things. So, yeah, that's what I would say, yeah, when can people find you?

Tina:

Yeah, so on Holland Avenue. So my clinic, my private clinic that I have, my private practice, is located on Holland Avenue from a geographical standpoint. But also they can find me in psychology today. They can find me on some of the insurance insurance companies sort of online. I do do online and they can also find me on my website, ottawa treatment center. But, yeah, so different, you can find me different places. I do offer virtual therapy, but I, but in my heart I prefer to be with someone in person. Yeah, but I do offer virtual. I have some people that that's not an option, so I definitely offer that.

Dionysius:

Is there anywhere else people can find you online?

Tina:

Oh, I have a new podcast coming out. I have a podcast now, so we can find my Instagram at the tsteept. We just also started on TikTok and 500 views the first day, so I don't know Are you doing a dance.

Dionysius:

I don't know if those are all bots maybe kind of sort of.

Tina:

But yeah, so on Instagram, the tsteept, on TikTok the tsteept, and then our podcast on Spotify and Apple, and the hyperlinks are on the Instagram page for Apple and Spotify.

Dionysius:

Okay, well, that wraps up our discussion today. Thank you very much, tina, for coming on, and yeah, thank you.

Tina:

Thank you, Dion, it's been a pleasure. Thank you so much Thanks.

Intro/ Outro:

You've been listening to across the table with Dionysius. Dion is a mortgage agent, but he has so much more on his mind, and on this show we picked the brains of some of the most successful people from all walks of life. We hope you enjoyed the show. If you did, make sure to like, rate and review. We'll be back soon, but in the meantime, find us on Instagram at Williams Mortgage, and on LinkedIn and Facebook at Dion Williams, and hit the website at wwwwilliamsmortgageca. See you next time on Across the Table.